He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
