you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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