What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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