Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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