Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Holy shit dude........stairs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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