saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
