You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
