Who wears a wallet chain?!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
