She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
