elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
