So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
