I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
