you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
