he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
