Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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