Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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