No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
