So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
