It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
