Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
