So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
