Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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