worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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