eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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