I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
