its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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