There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
