Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
