It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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