Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
