the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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