Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
