You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
