I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
