tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
