I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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