I skipped work to stalk him.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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