I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
