Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
