That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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