I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
