she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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