ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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