Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
