Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
