i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
