i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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