i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
