if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
