you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
